End of second week

It’s the end of second week and I haven’t been doing much. I go to all my classes except for econ because I’ve asked other people who are in my discussion and also told me that they have given up on going so its not just me. I’ve been good about going to office hours too and in fact I like it because I get a lot done instead of pondering by myself figuring things out when at the end I get nothing done. I like Chinese this quarter, maybe its because I go to discussion now. Although I agreed to switch off about going to class for Chinese, I’m gonna go anyways for the heck of it because I have office hours after it and I want to learn. My goal this quarter is to get nothing lower than a B and I know I can do it. Other than school, Ive been working.

Working is boring and a waste of time. I feel like the job I am doing is so stupid and pointless. Nonetheless, I get to do reading there because I can’t read without falling asleep in my room. I need to talk to Ken about getting spring break off and working less. I want to work less because I need time to study and I’m going to get spring break off because I think I need to go back for interviews and I’ve already made plans with some of my friends/family.

My mom has been bugging me about a lot of things lately. I need to help her call city hall to cancel some license and get a refund for it. I need to fill out the rebate form for my contacts and my cooler too. My mom has also been hinting at me to quit my job because she really doesn’t want me to work and says that I dont need to worry about money. But I want to work because I want to buy things that I want. On that note, I’m going to buy the phone next week I think, when I get my check. Today I just paid off my credit card which had a balance of $480. Yea, I really don’t know how I racked up that much.

Last friday I went to a party with my friends and it was ok. Kind of boring since I was already tired by the time I got there. I didn’t want to drink that much but I just felt like it. At the party, this guy started kissing my friend. That guy was forcing it on her, and my friend didn’t was trying to move away I think but I’m not too sure. This girl started taking pictures of them for a while and I took over when that girl joined them lol. Honestly, I was going to stop that guy but I didn’t know what to do because it was so unexpected. I was thinking about going in and kiss my friend just to stop him from doing so and take her away but thats just so awkward and I wasn’t sure if my friend would be ok with it anyways. I know shes mad at me for pictures. And my other friend is mad too. But honestly, I didn’t think it was wrong. For example, last year during freshman year when a guy started to go on top of me and literally his ass/area was in my face, I really wanted to him to get off and no one helped me. My friend filmed it too and its on youtube. I mean, I know she didn’t think it was wrong but I was mad for while but if I were her I guess I would have done the same too. So now, I’m kinda mad/frustrated at one of my friends for being mad at me because its so ________. Not saying it. But the past is nothing but the past. Maybe I should have said something back but its hard for me because I like to keep everything to myself ever since elementary school. I think my years during grade school changed my life dramatically. I became shy, reserved, and didn’t express my feelings as much. I remmeber I had to go through some stupid anger management class during 5th grade because I would yell at my teacher and things of those sorts. I wish I was still like that in a way because its so hard to keep your feelings to yourself. I’m also mad because they wanted to drag me to a club which I specifically told my friend in private that I will not go to a club because I don’t feel like it and when the time comes I will go eventually. But I am over it because we didn’t go at the end but the idea of it angers me in a way.

Also, my friends disapprove of me that I’m going to buy the nokia n95 and nothing will stop me. I mean its almost like telling me to not do what I want to do. Before winter break, I wouldn’t have bought the phone. However so many things happened to me and I’ve thought a lot about what the important people in my life have told me and I’ve had a different look on life. I will get what I want, be what I want, and do whatever I desire. I need to stop being guilty of things I do and regret because its so stupid. Its like thinking about something you CANT change. There are some things to life that you need to let it be. My friend is right. I am glad i have this person to encourage me along the way and nature the way I think. Even though I don’t hang out with her, she is the only person I will trust completely. She called me on the day of the party and she was sad, I felt bad and wanted to leave the party and be with her. On the phone, I wanted to say ‘I love you’ but is it only because I drank or was I thinking clearly? I don’t know. But I don’t have huge urges for her when im normal. How do you know when you are in love?

I know love is not attachment or being obsessed with someone because I am obsessed with big bang lol. I don’t know where this attachement comes from, maybe its because I want to be them but its impossible so I like them? I dont know. Hard to explain. Yesterday, I bought videos off a site my cousin showed me a long time ago where you can learn dance steps to a lot of the asian music videos. I bought big bang’s lie and im waiting for big bang’s last farewell. I’m really excited to learn how to dance because maybe this will be my talent? Just maybe. Here is a Big Bang Music Video to end my blog( I bought this dance video ahha):